Switching off.

Much has been written about the amount of connectedness we have in this brave new digital world. Cell phones, smartphones, text messages, facebook, twitter all enable us to keep in more or less constant contact with the people and institutions in our lives.

Most people find this indispensible, and simultaneously obnoxious. "Unplugging" is as hip as iPhones, but everyone still has their iPhone. Or BlackBerry. Or Droid. Or laptop. Or basic mobile telephone.

The point is, we live in a world where getting in touch with someone is easy, instantaneous, and can be accomplished from anywhere. This is has fundamentally changed the way we view interaction. When you call someone on a cell phone, the expectation is that they're going to answer. It is a cell phone, designed to be with you at all times.

Twenty years ago, when you tried to call someone, they may or may not have been home. And if they weren't, you shrugged your shoulders and tried again some other night, or afternoon, or whatever.

But a cell phone is always with you, and it has caller ID and a call log in addition to voicemail, text messages, and picture capabilities. So, you call someone, and they know who's calling. They then make a conscious choice to pick up the phone or not, which is it's own can of worms. And then if they don't answer, there's a record of that fact that you called, when, whether you left a message.

This makes the phrase "sitting around by the phone" both obsolete and replete with new meaning. There's no reason to stay home waiting for a call these days, because your phone is with you. So you never have to sacrifice to stay in touch. But on the flip side, you know damn well whether or not that call you were waiting for ever came in. You can't distract yourself by going out and having a good time, because the phone comes with you. So you can sit around by the phone, while ostensibly out having a good time.

Way to kill girls' night, cell phone. Thanks a lot.

Let's not even touch on the politics of call frequency, message frequency, text frequency. I often feel like I don't really know those rules well enough to function in the world; I'm often accused of being overeager.

But what really gets me is how much I, personally, have invested in my phone.

My phone is a gauge of how much I am loved.

You laugh, but I'm perfectly serious.

My phone tells me how often and how ardently people want to get in touch with me. My phone tells me if someone is reminded of me by some occurrence in their day.

When several hours go by without my phone beeping at me even once, I feel unloved. I feel unconnected. I feel as if I matter to no one, no one at all in the entire world. No one's thinking about me, I am affecting no one, no one gives a damn.

This is patently, ridiculously unhealthy. I realize this. Not getting phonecalls, text messages, emails, facebooks or what-have-you does not mean I am not loved. But not getting them certainly does have an incredible, immediate and negative impact on my self-esteem.

But I don't know, exactly, how to tackle this one. Should I give up my phone? Should I live without a cell phone? Should I downgrade to something extremely basic? (Hello, Jitterbug!) Or is that just getting rid of the symptom without actually tackling the disease? Why do I put so much emphasis in whether or not other people are trying to contact me? Why do I want to be so important to people that they tell me random, ridiculous things whenever they occur?

Why am I so NEEDY? GAWD.

But seriously, I'm at a loss. I realize that I have to change something, because being hurt because I'm not getting enough electronic interaction is ridiculous, but I don't know what. Or how.