Things Unsaid

There's always things that we don't say. There's always things that just end up forever locked in our throats, because saying them would be inappropriate. Maybe saying them would be pouring salt in wounds, maybe saying them would reopen chapters best left closed. Maybe saying them would be simply childish and petty on the part of the sayer, and no one wants to be perceived that way.

But still, we all know the things we want to say. We've got them planned out and ready to go, should the perfect opportunity to throw them down ever arise. Not that it will. But we like to be prepared.

I'm a nerd, ok? I'm a girl scout. I'm always prepared. Sue me.

So here's my list. It's the current list, which means that it'll change slowly as situations develop and life grinds on. It's already changed considerably. Five years ago, none of these statements were on my list, and in the interim, I've actually managed to utter some things aloud, thereby scratching them off.

"You're a child. Grow up. I may have my issues, but I'm pretty darn glad I don't have to deal with yours anymore. You're a bad person and a bad manipulator, and all you've got going for you is a nice face and bank account."

"You, also, are remarkably childlike. Grow the fuck up. Do you really think I don't know you're lying? For someone that likes to compliment my intelligence, you sure do think pretty lowly of my critical thinking skills."

"I love you, but you drive me insane. I need far more time alone than I get. Would it kill you to go out every now and again?"

"Ignoring people is not a reasonable strategy for weaseling out of your commitments. When you say you're going to do something, either do it, or own the fact that you're not going to do it. I grow tired of being disappointed."

"The hoops you make everyone jump through are ridiculous, and no one ever does the course to your satisfaction anyway. I'm done playing."

"I love you, and I want very much for you to be happy, but we're probably never going to be close again. We're just both too bad at keeping in touch."

"Come home. Come home now. I miss you."

"We've run through our chances. You're not happy, but I'm not going to make you happy. That's something you're going to have to do for yourself. So go do it."

"You know, this could work. If both of us stopped being such chickenshits. Too bad we're both such chickenshits."

I find it therapeutic just to put things out there. I'm sure it's also passive aggressive, but whatever. I never claimed not to have issues of my own.