This morning, for no good reason, I shaved my legs. And then I put lotion on them. I almost never manage to do both of these things at the same time; I'm too easily distracted and there are a lot of shiny things in my living space. So I'm generally either hairy and well-moisturized or clean-shaven and ashy as hell.
Sometimes this bothers me. Like, yesterday. Riding my bike in all my shorts-wearing glory I was pretty embarrassed about my legs. So this morning I shaved AND moisturized.
And then I got to work and was all, "Fucking patriarchy."
It's real easy to say that it's "totally fine" for women to go through grooming procedures "for themselves" but how, exactly, do you tell what you're doing for yourself when everything you do and don't do is scrutinized and judged? I was embarrassed about the state of my legs so I did something to relieve that embarrassment and that is certainly making me more comfortable and confident today rocking out in my bright orange dress but the real question here is "Why was I uncomfortable in the first place?"
Fucking patriarchy, that's why.
My somewhat stubbly legs with their scratches of white against the fading tan I picked up over a week of vacation are NOT ATTRACTIVE. Doesn't matter that they're sort of oddly proportioned with all the muscles I've built up by using them combined with my weirdly tiny joint structures. Doesn't matter that they're my legs and I use them for things. Doesn't matter at all. All that matters is hairlessness and consistent color and making a dude think that rubbing on them would be a pleasant aesthetic experience.
My vanity is well-documented. The fact of the matter is that I am more comfortable when I know that I can be considered attractive, so I do things to be attractive. I'm more comfortable this way, so it can be argued that I'm doing them "for me." But I'm also doing them to be more comfortable in a system and a culture that will always judge me on my appearance, so it's impossible to actually do anything "for me."
This is the inherent problem of patriarchy. No matter what you do, you're in it and you can't get out. Any choice you make is influenced by it, whether you conform or rebel, because you have no way of knowing how you'd feel about anything without the constant and omnipresent system indoctrinating you.
I cannot define myself without patriarchy. And that makes me so depressed I sit and stare slackly at my computer screen for awhile until someone walks by and I realize I'm at work.
Apparently, even self-medication methods are subject to patriarchy, because smoking weed makes you skinny, and we all know that skinny is desirable. Now there will be hordes of neurotic girls toking up to get skinny instead of enjoying their lives. And if you can't even get high without pressure, what do we have left in the world? I ask you. WHAT IS LEFT.
Can you really blame "The Patriarchy" for making you want to look pretty?
ReplyDeleteI'm a dude, I feel great when I wear a suit and tie and look sharp. Is that "The Patriarchy?"
If a woman compliments me on being sharp dressed should I feel depressed because "The Patriarchy" or just be happy and satisfied that someone has taken notice of my self-care and hygene.
The patriarchy causes a lot of problems but I think there is danger in diluting the real problems (glass ceilings) with ones that.. are a stretch.
Obesiety isn't unattractive because of "The Patriarchy" it's unattractive because it's indicative of serious physical health problems.
Calling women "obese" who have a normal BMI..OK THAT's the fucking patriarchy. But feeling guilty about looking good and being healthy is perhaps an overreaction.
An understandable overreaction because, shit, the world just makes you so mad some times.
But still, as awful as patriarchy is, it's not an inescapable, all powerful evil that infiltrates every miniscule action we take in our lives... unless we let it.
"But still, as awful as patriarchy is, it's not an inescapable, all powerful evil that infiltrates every miniscule action we take in our lives... unless we let it."
DeleteBut, you see, the patriarchy actually IS an inescapable, all powerful evil that infiltrates every action we take, whether we let it or not. Now, that doesn't mean we can't find happiness even within such a system. If we are exceptionally lucky, or strong, or good at compartmentalization, or *something* it is perfectly possible to be content.
But (and maybe you missed this?) my point was that I can't define myself without patriarchy. I have no idea what bits of myself are authentic and which have been indoctrinated. For that matter, you don't know, either, because this inescapable, all powerful, oppressive system affects all of us.
And it's pretty depressing to realize you don't know who you are. And might never have the opportunity to fully know.
As for the bizarre fat-phobic comments, I'll just say that if you think people with health problems deserves the scorn, shame, and general abuse heaped on "fat" people, I sincerely hope no one ever turns to you for support in a time of illness.
I'm not sure what comment you're reading as "fat-phobic." I never suggested that people with health problems deserve scorn, shame or abuse. I was just pointing out that beauty standards are not 100% a construct of "the patriarchy." I don't think "Healthy people are attractive" is a terribly controversial statement.
DeleteTo be absolutely clear, *everyone*, healthy or not, fat or thin, pretty or ugly, deserves respect, love and companionship. Again, my point is only that physical health is a major component of what is considered attractive in society and that has everything to do with Darwin and little or nothing to do with patriarchy.
"I can't define myself without patriarchy."
No one in the history of time was born in a perfect vacuum of outside influence. We are all shaped in subtle and sometimes insidious ways by the society we live in. That's every person's life ever, not something to be depressed about.
"I have no idea what bits of myself are authentic and which have been indoctrinated..."
Every part of you is authentic. No part of you is authentic. What does this even mean? You still have reason and emotion and you get to decide for yourself what you like and what you don't like. I guess the parts you decide to like you can call 'authentic' and if you decide to change your mind about those parts later, that's your prerogative. It's your question to ask and choice to make.
"And it's pretty depressing to realize you don't know who you are. And might never have the opportunity to fully know."
It's a terrible cliche, but I think it fits.
-It's the journey that matters, not the destination.-
I don't think anyone 'finds themselves.' I don't really think there's ever any one concretely defined thing to find. The important thing is to seek... to find who you are in each moment.
So when you ask these questions of "WHAT IS LEFT?" or how can I know who I am in the suffocating, all encompassing evil of THE PATRIARCHY? I see someone who is having a good, powerful and productive journey.
My comment was meant to encourage you to not give up asking the question. Asking the question *is* the escape from the patriarchy. Continuing to seek on your journey of self discovery *is* the antidote to the profound evils of the world.
You're using the powerful tools of self-reflection to identify what you like and what you don't like. (LIKE: feeling pretty, DISLIKE: the fucking patriarchy)
And society doesn't exist in a vacuum either! Our actions and decisions feedback into the system and enact change. And change is slow, agonizingly slow.
Did you see the movie Cloud Atlas? I really enjoyed it because this was it's message. Each of our small actions will ripple through time and space and, through the chaos, have an indelible impact on the universe.
I wish you the best on your journey and want you to know that your self-reflection and battle against patriarchy will affect change on the world in ways we can't possibly foresee.
Wow. Was longer than I thought. LOL.
Delete1. What exactly was the point of forcefully verbalizing that you find "fat" people unattractive, and that everyone else does, too, because it's only natural that "unhealthy" be "unattractive?" Do you think people with weight issues don't already know that everyone around them finds them unattractive? Trust me: They know. Your reiteration of that is not only unnecessary, it's cruel.
DeleteAlso, LOL at using Darwin and evolutionary biology or whatever it is you're talking about to justify being mean to people. Did you know that Darwin and all that nonsense is often invoked to argue that women want to be controlled by men because it makes them feel safe and protected and that's what women want, clearly, since they're baby factories?
Maybe try not justifying your prejudice with dime-store, pop-culture "scientific" theory. I'll just laugh at you.
2. If I want to have an existential crisis, that's my right. If I get angsty and think about why I'm angsty and identify the source of my angst, guess what? You don't get to tell me I'm wrong. Because, and this is going to be a shocker, I know, they're MY feelings. And, I'm not terrible at introspection and analytic thought. I'm particularly not terrible at identify the sources of my many and various feelings, Which I have. Because I'm a person.
When I identify the source of my angst at shaving my legs as patriarchy, you don't get to tell me I'm wrong. I am angsty, and I am angsty because I am uncomfortable with the ways in which I continue to participate in a culture that values me for the way I look. Don't tell me I'm wrong to be uncomfortable. Don't tell anyone else they're wrong to be uncomfortable, either. Because guess what? You don't get to dictate other people's feelings.
I appreciate you're "just trying to be helpful" and "give me a pep talk." I do. HONEST. But, I don't need a pep talk, thank you, and I especially don't need one that undermines the validity of my feelings and the source of them that I have identified using my very own functioning brain and capacity for thought.